Truly a case of “news of the weird”.

And an opening sentence to a news article that will probably never appear in the press ever again.

A gay man tried to poison his lesbian neighbours by putting slug pellets into their curry after he was accused of kidnapping their three-legged cat.

Damn – sounds like its own punchline!

Posted by: Greg at 11:21 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 72 words, total size 1 kb.

Words mean things.

In fact, sometimes they can mean many different things.

Sometimes those meanings can vary across cultures of generations -- during a discussion of laws on illegal drugs some years ago, a student asked me if I had ever been "blowed". Due to our generational differences, I didn't realize that he was asking me if I had ever gotten high -- and he didn't realize that I heard him asking me an entirely different question.

Which leads me to this link that someone sent to me recently. Shouldn't someone on the editorial staff have caught the alternate meaning to the phrase used in this headline -- especially when paired with the accompanying picture?

Posted by: Greg at 12:27 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 125 words, total size 1 kb.

Whatever would we do without YouTube?

The scariest thing about the video? The fact that there are dozens like it over there, meaning some folks with truly warped minds have way too much time on their hands.

Posted by: Greg at 03:13 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 49 words, total size 1 kb.

For those of you who have never visited it, The People's Cube will be a real treat.

Take these snippets of fun from one recent satirical look at the news.

World's Evilest Thugs Shocked as GOP Takes Hell Hot Spot

(Dante's Inferno, 7th Level) - Senator Dick Durbin's (D-IL) comment "The hottest ring in Hell is reserved for those in politics who attack their opponents' families" made to NBC's Norah O'Donnell has sent shockwaves to evil thugs around the world, who thought they were a shoe-in for the top hot spot in the eternal pit of damnation and hellfire. An assortment of Nazis, Communists, terrorists, and other violent and sadistic figures were found consoling each other shortly after Durbin's official announcement.

[SNIP QUOTES FROM NAZI AND COMMUNIST MURDERS]

Dick Durbin said he didn't believe combining the positions of a Hell's spokesperson and a Democrat Senator presented a conflict of interest.

And best of all -- everything on the site lives up to the same high standards as the above post.

H/T Good Lt.

Posted by: Greg at 03:40 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 176 words, total size 1 kb.

Really.

Don't.

But it is still funny in a sick, twisted sort of way.

Thanks for sharing this on your site, T.F.!

And I thought Richard Sutton was such a nice man; can't believe he sent me this...

If you are sitting next to someone on a plane who irritates you follow these simple instructions:

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start up.
4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes, tilt your head up to the sky & move your lips as if praying.
6. Then hit this link

Like I said, though, don't do this -- you really don't want to risk the jail sentence that might follow.

Posted by: Greg at 01:42 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 139 words, total size 1 kb.

After all, it is just too odd for these two headlines to appear on Drudge at the same time.

Monkeys control a robot arm with thoughts

and

NASA begins releasing robotic arm of Mars lander

Is Matt Drudge trying to subliminally communicate secret information to the public at large?

Are telekinetic space monkeys – the descendants of the original suborbital test subjects in the early days of the space program – controlling space vehicles sent to other planets?

Posted by: Greg at 08:37 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 86 words, total size 1 kb.

I'm not a big fan of "the Soup", but my wife watches it and so I will often join her.

Tonight, though, they outdid themselves on this little parody.

Make that Two!

TWO!

Two spoofs in one!

Posted by: Greg at 03:15 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 47 words, total size 1 kb.

If there is a 60-inch plasma screen television just beyond the edge of this picture?

H/T Lucianne.com

Posted by: Greg at 11:30 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 23 words, total size 1 kb.

So, folks, did the Easter Bunny visit your house overnight, leaving baskets of goodies for the kids?

Well, he's home now, safe and sound, taking a bit of time to relax.

Ever wonder what the Easter Bunny does after a hard night delivering candy to little kids around the world?

Well, secret cameras have caught him relaxing at home.

Check out below the fold to see how he unwinds. more...

Posted by: Greg at 02:37 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 87 words, total size 1 kb.

I find this one amusing -- in a scary sort of way.

After all, Obama is completely unprepared and unqualified to handle the sort of national security situation depicted here.

And the notion of Hillary on the phone -- either directly or behind the scenes -- makes my blood run cold.

The answer is, of course, strikingly obvious.

John McCain for President in 2008.

H/T Malkin

Posted by: Greg at 07:36 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 74 words, total size 1 kb.

And someone in the Clear Lake area is getting one.

My wife and I were driving home from lunch and trivia at BW3 in Webster when we saw one of these in the bed of a pickup truck.

I would never have believed such a thing -- a recliner done in a Mossy Oak Camouflage! And what's more, I just discovered that you can even get a matching sofa and love seat.

You've gotta love any wife who would let that thing through the front door, that's for sure!

OPEN TRACKBACKING AT Outside the Beltway, Stop the ACLU, Is It Just Me?, The Midnight Sun, Rosemary's Thoughts, Stix Blog, Right Truth, Shadowscope, Stuck On Stupid, Leaning Straight Up, The Amboy Times, Chuck Adkins, Pursuing Holiness, Adeline and Hazel, third world county, DragonLady's World, Pirate's Cove, The Pink Flamingo, Stageleft, Right Voices, Blog @ MoreWhat.com, 123beta, guerrilla radio, Adam's Blog, Cao's Blog, Big Dog's Weblog, Conservative Cat, Nuke's, Faultline USA, Allie is Wired, The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns, The World According to Carl, Blue Star Chronicles, Gulf Coast Hurricane Tracker, and The Yankee Sailor, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

Posted by: Greg at 09:09 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 201 words, total size 4 kb.

HereÂ’s the headline.

Candidates 'offering viagra for votes'

[INSERT YOUR CRUDE JOKE HERE]

Posted by: Greg at 10:19 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 12 words, total size 1 kb.

The failure to include me on the list is simply one more in a string of glaring oversights committee by People Magazine over the years. And now Salon has excluded me as well.

Our alternative to that annual Bible of Sexy -- with its catalog of lantern jaws, bulging biceps and Seacrest hair -- struck such a rich chord with you last year that it's back, and looks to be here for good. We've got 26 more men that, sure, are easy on the eyes, but who also unleash complicated emotions in us that we just have never been able to articulate. Until now.

The blow to my ego and self-esteem is almost crushing.

Surely this overweight, middle-aged, slightly balding blogger tops all of these clowns.

Posted by: Greg at 11:16 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 130 words, total size 1 kb.

Squirrels safe to eat again in New Jersey

They go on to say this is good news for local Indians and those who like squirrel meat – and bad news for the squirrels.

Posted by: Greg at 04:42 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 47 words, total size 1 kb.

My father (age 73) sent me this last night. Who knew he watched YouTube?

Watch and enjoy!

Quite honestly, this may be the funniest thing I have seen on the topic.

Posted by: Greg at 01:36 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 37 words, total size 1 kb.

Too priceless!

My fellow Americans, in the coming presidential election, the voters of this nation will plot a course for the future. There are many candidates, each of whom brings a different vision of that future. But only one has the conviction and strength to lead this great country. Only one is a popular television and film actor ready to face the challenges of the 21st century head-on. And, most importantly, there is only one candidate with a bombshell trophy wife nearly a quarter-century younger than himself.

I urge each and every one of you to run a Google image search and see the evidence for yourself: photo after photo of a tall but wrinkled and sagging 64-year-old man—that's me—standing at various gala events, his arm wrapped around a stunning woman with glowing orange skin and beautiful platinum- highlighted hair. A bold woman, squeezed into a dress with a plunging neckline so low her enormous breasts seem almost ready to leap out and scream, "Hey world—look at us! We are married to a famous man we saw in Die Hard 2 when we were in college!"

And in typical Onion fashion, this one gets even better and better.

Now if only we could find someone who does a good Fred Thompson voice to do an MP3 version of this.

H/T Don Surber

Posted by: Greg at 11:55 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 230 words, total size 2 kb.

I won't comment on the story, which is all about liberals eating their own young. But I just love this opening paragraph!

Of the three most recognizable Barneys in America, one is a singing purple dinosaur, another is a prehistoric cartoon character and the third is a gay congressman from Massachusetts.

This is supposed to be serious reporting?

And as my wife asked, "What happened to Barney Fife?"

Posted by: Greg at 11:02 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 74 words, total size 1 kb.

DISCLAIMER: No naked hippies were harmed in the making of this video. Sadly, not enough jihadis were harmed in the making of this video.

I love the opening sequence with this question and answer

What's dumber than being a wife-beating, queer-killing jihadi?

Being a pro-feminist, gay rights advocate that supports those jihadis.

From The People's Cube, via the folks at The Jawa Report

Posted by: Greg at 02:17 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 73 words, total size 1 kb.

Kudos to Neptunus Lex for this great PhotoShop of everyone's favorite Islamist.

I guess he missed the memo.

On the other hand, I give Lex two thumbs up!

OPEN TRACKBACKING AT Blog @ MoreWhat.com, Perri Nelson's Website, Rosemary's Thoughts, Right Truth, Big Dog's Weblog, Nuke's News & Views, DragonLady's World, Webloggin, Cao's Blog, Stageleft, Adeline and Hazel, third world county, Faultline USA, Pirate's Cove, The Pink Flamingo, and High Desert Wanderer, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

Posted by: Greg at 07:05 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 78 words, total size 2 kb.

A strange email appeared in my inbox early this morning. It seems to be an ad for a new product -- but was is dated August 13, 2017. Any thoughts?

Attention educators!

Tired of those housekeeping tasks around your room after students have tracked in dirt of dropped candy wrappers?

Frustrated by this year's changes in last year's "best grading and attendance program known to man"?

Looking for some way to be two places at once while assisting students with work, filling out paperwork and maintain discipline all at the same time?

In other words, do you need a classroom aide even though the district cut those funds during the last budget reduction and you lack the inherited wealth to hire your own?

The solution is at hand -- iRobot's new TeachBot Mk1.

The TeachBot Mk1 is the all-purpose classroom assistant. Not only will it perform basic housekeeping tasks like the so many iRobot offerings have over the years, but it also incorporates many important tools especially for educators.

* Grading and attendance module with the ability to link with most district software.
* Templates for over 50 standard educational forms and correspondence (discipline referrals, notes home) which can be selected and completed through voice commands.
* Curriculum database which allows for interaction with students needing academic assistance.
* Translation module for communication with students and parents whose first language is other than English.
* Unfiltered wireless internet access for when the district filtering software decides that sites about "breast cancer" are unacceptable for viewing but Hooters.com is.

TeachBot Mk1's arms are fully extendable, and the claws can be used to move items up to 300 pounds -- making classroom redecoration and breaking up fights in the hallway both simple tasks. The durable metal construction ensures that TeachBot Mk1 will be safe in virtually any teaching environment. And the sensor pod has full 360 degree visual range, so while you may not have eyes on the back of your head, TeachBot Mk1 does!

In addition to the standard TeachBot Mk1 feature, a number of options are available. The two most popular are the taser accessory (pictured in action above) for difficult disciplinary situations and an administrator detection module adapted from iRobot's line of sniper detection robots.

The TeachBot Mk1 follows in the iRobot tradition of delivering innovative robots that are making a difference in people’s lives. From cleaning floors to disarming explosives, we constantly strive to find better ways to tackle dull, dirty and dangerous missions—with better results. From war zones and crime scenes to your classroom -- iRobot!

So, my fellow teachers -- does this sound like a resource you would appreciate in your classroom.

SUBMITTED AS AN ENTRY FOR THE PPP BLOG BATTLE ROYALE

Posted by: Greg at 03:30 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 465 words, total size 3 kb.

Potter and Soprano, that is.

Bravo to Slate’s Dan Kois for his “Sopranoized” final chapter of the upcoming Harry Potter book.

Harry walked into the Three Broomsticks and took a seat in a booth near the back. Who were all the people in here tonight? They looked familiar, but Harry didn't know any of them. Was that Dolores Umbridge? No, just some woman in a hideous cardigan.

None of these diners knew yet that Voldemort was dead—not by Harry's hand, but killed instead by Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan, who'd happened upon He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named outside of London. They'd cursed him from behind and watched as the Knight Bus ran over his head with a horrible crunching sound.

Harry flipped through the channels on the wizarding wireless until he found a song that reminded him of the old days, "Do the Hippogriff" by the Weird Sisters. He remembered the crowds dancing to this song at the Yule Ball, years before; so many of those friends were long gone now, dead or in Azkaban. As the song began, Harry heard the tinkle of the bell above the front door as Ginny came in. She hurried to his booth and sat down.

"It's Percy," he told her, taking a swig of butterbeer. "He's testifying."

LetÂ’s hope that JK Rowling has written a more conclusive ending to the series than th Sopranos received.

Posted by: Greg at 01:24 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 236 words, total size 1 kb.

I'd love to be able to respectfully forward this one on to the student who keyed a pithy, two-word message (second word: "U") into the hood of my car during finals week.

Enjoy! But not at work or where the kids can see it.

Posted by: Greg at 10:51 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 56 words, total size 1 kb.

You know the cheesy "Footprints in the Sand" story about how God carries people in times of trouble (yes, I believe it -- but the ubiquitous little parable has become a cliche).

Well, Potry over at The Nose On Your Face has come up with an updated version.

One night Al Gore had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

This dream interrupted his dream about the never-ending pasta bowl at Olive Garden,
so he was quite agitated as he tried to keep pace with the LORD on the beach.

Anyway, across the sky flashed scenes from AlÂ’s life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
a massive heart attack while giving a speech at a DennyÂ’s
to the six remaining believers in global warming in 2017,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

The rest is absolutely priceless -- and I encourage you to visit that fantastic site for political satire.

Posted by: Greg at 05:27 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 193 words, total size 1 kb.

Or is it a turn-off?

Scientists have created the world's first human-sheep chimera - which has the body of a sheep and half-human organs.

The sheep have 15 per cent human cells and 85 per cent animal cells - and their evolution brings the prospect of animal organs being transplanted into humans one step closer.

Professor Esmail Zanjani, of the University of Nevada, has spent seven years and £5million perfecting the technique, which involves injecting adult human cells into a sheep's foetus.

Researchers at Texas A&M have reportedly been trying different methods to create human/sheep hybrids -- methods said to involve flowers, chocolates, and slinky negligees.

Posted by: Greg at 10:41 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 114 words, total size 1 kb.

Where do stories like this come from?

Teens accused of making ostrich impotent

No, there were no nude pictures of Helen Thomas or Ann Coulter involved.

Three teenagers may be on the hook for a hefty fine if a court decides that their festive firecrackers outside an eastern German farm scared the libido right out of an ostrich named Gustav.

Rico Gabel, a farmer in Lohsa, northeast of Dresden, is claiming $6,450 in damages for the alleged antics of the three youths, ages 17-18, between Dec. 27 and 29, 2005.

According to his lawsuit, the farmer claims that fireworks set off by the boys made the previously lustful Gustav both apathetic and depressed, and thus unable to perform for a half-a-year with his two female breeding partners.

Before Gustav regained his sex drive in the second half of the year, the farmer estimates he lost out on 14 ostrich offspring — worth $460 apiece.

The suit is due to be heard next Monday in a regional court in nearby Bautzen, the court said Monday. The teenagers' names were not released.

We live in a strange world.

Posted by: Greg at 11:33 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 200 words, total size 1 kb.

Hey, these questions about the destruction of the Death Star makes at least as much sense as the views of the "Truthers" who argue that terrorist jihadi pigs were not responsible for the 9/11 attacks on America.

Scratch that -- it makes MORE SENSE than the claims of the Truthers, which ave been thoroughly debunked based upon the scientific evidence.

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord VaderÂ’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth VaderÂ’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

So tell us, who was really responsible for the destruction of the Death Star, folks -- and who benefited from it?

And what was the role of the Jedi on the Grassy Knoll?

Posted by: Greg at 02:50 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 280 words, total size 2 kb.

My dad sent me one of those bits of internet humor that show up in the mailbox from time to time. I don't know the source, but it does give me hope for the future.

One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from Across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and Said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton".

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here."

The man thanked him and again walked away . . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to The very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the Man And said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here.

Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine; I just love hearing your answer!"

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."

May we be so fortunate -- and may the actual resident in 2009 have an (R) after his/her name.

Posted by: Greg at 02:13 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 297 words, total size 2 kb.

Come on -- do you mean the editor didn't consider this opening paragraph just a little bit over the top?

WELLINGTON, N.Z. (AP) - New Zealanders' love affair with sheep gained official recognition Friday when the agriculture minister declared Feb. 15 "National Lamb Day."

The date selected marks the 125th anniversary of the first shipment of frozen meat from New Zealand to London.

Posted by: Greg at 01:23 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 71 words, total size 1 kb.

H/T The Pine Blog

Posted by: Greg at 03:57 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 18 words, total size 1 kb.

Rusty & Ace have both posted this little bit of fun to their sites -- fake "motivational posters", a parody of the crap they put up around workplaces internationally.

Here's mine.

Should make the right folks very unhappy.

Posted by: Greg at 10:31 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 44 words, total size 1 kb.

Having read too many student papers over the year, I find this list of student metaphors from Funny Emails exquisite -- because like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

* Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

* His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.

* The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldnÂ’t.

* McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

* Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

* Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.

* Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

* He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

* Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

* The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

* John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

* The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

* The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

* Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

* Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

* The plan was simple, like my mate Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

* The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.

* “Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night.

* He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

* Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.”

* She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

* The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

* The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wifeÂ’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

* The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

* It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

* He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

* She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.

* She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

* She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

* Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

* It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Some day I'll have to tell you folks about some of my most memorable papers -- the ones that, years later, I still remember and talk about because of the insights they gave me into students (or myself).

Posted by: Greg at 01:00 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 665 words, total size 4 kb.

Seems like an exercise in futility to me.

Posted by: Greg at 07:09 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 12 words, total size 1 kb.

I would have figured it was ALL of the French.

Lance Armstrong renewed his verbal attack on the French, bashing their World Cup team during an American awards show and using a derogatory word to describe the players.

"All their players (France) tested positive ... for being a** holes," the seven-time Tour de France winner Armstrong was quoted as saying in the Los Angeles Daily News on Friday.

The French World Cup team immediately offered their unconditional surrender to Armstrong.

Posted by: Greg at 11:59 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 90 words, total size 1 kb.

Even better than the Helen Thomas joke.

A big tip of the hat to BobG at Sweet Spirits of Ammonia.

Posted by: Greg at 07:34 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 26 words, total size 1 kb.

Rusty has posted what Keller and Baquet really wanted to say in the joint Treason Times East/Treason Times West piece that they published justifying the exposure of vital national security information to our nation's enemies.

Here's a taste.

How do we, as editors, reconcile the obligation to inform with the instinct to protect?

Sometimes the judgments are easy. Our reporters in Iraq and Afghanistan, for example, take great care not to divulge operational intelligence in their news reports. Especially the ones that are working with insurgents, like Bilal Hussein. No way we'd ever reveal his contacts or al Qaeda's secrets!

Often the judgments are painfully hard. Just kidding. It's pretty easy. If we believe the secrets we reveal will hurt Bushitler and co., then we reveal them. If they will help, we don't. In case of a tie--one thinking it will help Bush, the other thinking it will hurt--we do rock paper scissors.

Believe me -- this essential reading, well-worth your time.

And I don't doubt that the next DDOS directed at that essential-read blog will come from the jihadis-sympathizers at the New York Times or LA Times, instead of Turkish Islamofascists. After all, they are all on the same team.

Posted by: Greg at 01:40 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 217 words, total size 2 kb.

Let’s face it – Helen Thomas is an ugly woman with an ugly personality.

A congressman in Iowa has apologized for disparaging comments he made about a veteran White House correspondent, according to a Local 6 News report.

Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa was talking about the death of terrorist leader Musab al-Zarqawi when he mentioned reporter Helen Thomas.

"There probably are not 72 virgins in the hell he's at," King said about al-Zarqawi. "And if there are, they probably all look like Helen Thomas."
A representative for King said he has apologized to Thomas.

Let’s all be honest here – in our heart of hearts, we all hope that al-Zarqawi found something like what King suggested, or worse.

Posted by: Greg at 11:13 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 122 words, total size 1 kb.

I love my job. I really do. But I've had jobs I did not love. I've just quit and moved on.

I guess Australians are known to take a different approach.

NASTY boss? Planning to quit? Your fellow Australians expect you to exit with flair.

Like Sean, who was handed a $10 Christmas bonus after achieving the second-highest year-end sales figures at a golf retailer. "I walked up to my boss, tucked the $10 into his shirt pocket and said: 'Look, I know how difficult it was for you for part with this so here, put it towards some petrol or something.' Then I walked out."

Olivia's boss lodged a client's tax return late, incurring a $30 fee from the Tax Office. Her boss wrote to another partner: "Peter, we can recoup this from [the client's] fees." When she resigned she sent a copy of the letter to the auditor.

Anthony swears he knows someone who resigned from his bank job by submitting his resignation written on a banana peel. "I imagine it's still in their files."

Megan worked in a barber shop where the boss kept hitting on her. "One day he asked for a free haircut. He was making suggestive remarks so I put a bald strip down the middle of his head."

Personally, I like the one dealing with reorganizations.

Posted by: Greg at 03:00 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 239 words, total size 1 kb.

The stupid things that some people say will amaze you. As a teacher, I have a million of them from my students – and their parents. But I really want to read this book by a judge in the Spring Break paradise of South Padre Island, Spring Break: A Judge's View From the Bench.

Most have to do with public intoxication, and the often silly excuses defendants give.

"I am always glassy-eyed, talk with a slur and walk with an unsteady balance," said one.

Guilty, said the judge.

The 60-year-old judge sits in front of a colorful seascape mural and wears tennis shoes when holding court on the weekends. In general, he said, he tries to keep things a little lighter during spring break.

"My primary rule is if I have to sit up there all day, by God, they have an obligation to entertain me," he said. When he hears snickers, he tells those in the courtroom: "Go ahead and laugh. I'm going to laugh with you, because most of the time it's so darn stupid."

Like the defendant who threw a beer can out of a pickup truck and hit a police car.

"I informed him that this is Texas," Colwell wrote. "You are supposed to throw the beer cans from the cab into the back of the pickup, which has been well known for years as a traveling wastebasket."

A student from New York appeared before the judge and did not fight his indecent exposure charge, instead asking what his punishment would be.
Colwell wrote: "Instead of explaining again that in the United States you are innocent until proven guilty, I said, 'This is Texas. We don't allow men to go around exposing themselves to young ladies. We have a tree out back, and we're going to hang you.' The defendant turned pale. Being from N.Y., with tales of the Old West in his head, he actually believed me."

So far, Judge David Colwell has sold around 500 copies. Too bad he isnÂ’t hawking it on Amazon

Posted by: Greg at 12:47 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 348 words, total size 2 kb.

This line from K. M. Semmel's Washington Post column sort of leaped out at me.

For me, voting Democratic has always been a no-brainer.

[INSERT YOUR JOKE HERE]

Posted by: Greg at 04:14 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 32 words, total size 1 kb.